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Life's kind of like running on a hamster wheel

You run and run and still never get anywhere

And now it's time for my annual update..
Holy shit.

It has seriously been just short of a year since my last post.

Not much has happened?

I mean, no, stuff's happened, but nothing big? Not like, life changing event has occurred. A week ago I managed to get to my first FanExpo in Toronto. Feeling a little conflicted about that. On one hand I enjoyed the Q&A's (with Tom Felton and the Phelps twins) but on the other hand everything is massively over-priced and it was hot and crowded and 20-30 minutes to get from one side of the building to the other. I went to Anime North back in '04. This was not like that.

Three weeks ago I'd gone to BC. So, I've been on my first plane. That was super exciting. Got to spend time with the bio-dad and his wife and also my brother. Mike's been living out West for two years now, this was the most time I'd spent with him since then. It was nice having the chance to catch up. Also, dads wife is actually super nice and the area is just so gorgeous. I mean, they live in a trailer park in Surrey, which was in kind of a sketchy neighbourhood, but the view made it totally worth it. I saw the ocean for the first time and the mountains and I liked Vancouver. I can never tell my mother this, but it's a place I could see myself actually living.

My roommates sold their house in June. We've moved a couple blocks from there, into a bigger house with more rooms and just more recreational space. We have two more roommates, one of them is my sister and the other is a co-worker of Jen's. We all get on fairly well and Mike and Jen have their own space in the basement and the rest of us have use of the main living room. Skylar keeps mostly to his own room, playing WoW, so me and Liz are pretty much free to use the space as we like. It's my TV and gaming consoles set up, my books on the shelves and Liz's computer desk in the corner. Except for the odd argument over chores it's a pretty awesome living situation.

On the work front, I've recently gotten a raise. Only 55 cents on the hour, but considering a year ago the stability of the job itself was pretty questionable I'm not going to complain. With our workload basically down to a fraction of what it used to be and only four of us left in the department, I'm just thankful I still have my job.

Not much else to add. Lots of fandoms. Hannibal has recently finished it's run and Hannigram is hilariously the first of my slash ships to ever go canon. Of course, it would have to be the murder husbands. I only just managed to see Kingsman. Jesus H. That movie. I'm just super weak to Collin Firth in a suit and kicking ass and also, the whole mentor/mentee action they had going on. And I've somehow ended up wandering down some weird Merlin/Eggsy path, but I'm mostly blaming that on Mark Strong.

Otherwise, I've just been playing a lot of video games. I've got something like 215 hours logged on just one of my Dragon Age Inquisition characters. I discovered Skyrim in April and Knights of the Old Republic this summer. I have something like 80 games on my Steam account now, 90% of which I haven't even gotten around to playing. When Steam is having one of it's sales it's a bit like Pokemon, you gotta catch 'em all.

Anyway, should probably go do super dishes. It's my night to clean up. Man, it's like being a kid again. We're only missing a chart and allowances.

Keep on keeping on.
white room
I'm still here, still carrying on. Work is work, but at least I have a job. New fandoms. Living situation is stable. Video games are being played. TV shows are... not really being watched? Okay, I binge watched Game of Thrones a month ago, but otherwise I've not been watching much. I keep meaning to get into Agents of Shield and Orphan Black and Penny Dreadful and so many other things, but I just haven't gotten to it yet.

Started a massively massive SPN re-watch, have only gotten to season two. The boys are so young! And I'm seriously tempted to skip ahead to season four for Castiel, but I've managed to resist Hopefully I'll be able to reach the current episodes in a reasonable amount of time, because I've only seen one episodes of season nine and season ten is going to start airing pretty soon. Might just skip all or most of season six, because it was such utter garbage. In the meantime I've been reading all the old Destiel fic saved to my Kindle. Fun times.

Whate irked me, though, is that Netflix replaced all the classic mullet rock through the first season one. I didn't notice 'til I turned on Skin and In A Gadda Da Vida didn't play through the intro. They didn't even leave in Carry On Wayward Son!

I guess that's partially my own fault, though. I was too lazy to get my DVDs and just watch from that. It means changing out the discs. It's so much easier to just flip through Netflix.

Oh! New car!


Well, new to me. It's a 2004 Chevy Epica. I bought it from my roommates. Well, I'm still in the process of buying, really. Still owe $2100 on it, but it's so much nicer than the Cavalier. The power windows actually work and it has A/C and heated seats and a sunroof and so many other things. It doesn't do that alarming rattling-grinding thing when I'm going 110 KM/H on the 401. Plus, the insurance is cheaper. The only thing I can say about it that's a step down from the Cavalier is that I pay roughly ten dollars more to fill up the gas tank. But all the perks more than even that out.

Oh man, I need to change my userpics. These ones are still old. I'll have to dig out my old copy of Photoshop. This is awful. I can't even remember the last time I watched Stargate.

I'm indefinitely employed, until they change their minds again.
I never did update, but I decided to accept the offer to extend at work. I figure I've got another year or two before the company decides to cut their losses and shut down the whole building. Or, you know, the call centre portion. The warehouse is still the main distribution centre for all of Canada, so I don't figure they'll be able to shut that down. On the other hand, they've started to weed out long-term and full-time employees who do work in the warehouse and replace them with people working through temp agencies. Means they don't have to pay them as much and they don't have to be benefits.

In another year and a half I'll have put in a sold 10 years, so my severance package should be better in the event that they do shut us down. They've also come forward and asked if I'd be willing to help with payroll after September, which, what? I don't have any idea how to do payroll! I'm a Data Entry clerk! I punch in numbers and answer emails all day! Plus, I don't get paid well enough to handle a job like payroll.

Whatever. It's unlikely, but maybe I'll get a raise. (when minimum wage goes up again, probably)

Okay, enough work-talk.

In family news, my sister just had another heart valve transplant. This is her third, she's almost 23. They're optimistic about this one, and considering she's just two and a half weeks out of surgery she's doing really well. Already up and about and chomping at the bit. We had to talk her out of going to see a movie last weekend when her lips started turning blue and her hands started shaking. We played Doctor Who Monopoly instead. I won.

In friends news, Leanna's getting married! The wedding is planned sometimes next year. First tentative date was March, then May, and now she's saying sometime in the fall? They're trying to movie into a bigger place, a townhouse or something, so they might need some extra time to save up enough funds. I'm super happy for her and Steve. He seems to make her genuinely happy, and he's a good guy. We talk about video games a lot when I'm able to make if out to Ottawa for a visit. I'm going to be the Maid of Honour, which is, yeah, an honour, but man. I don't even know what all my duties are outside of the bachelorette party. Google, don't fail me now.

In fandom news, I sunk back into the Marvel hole after I saw The Winter Soldier. Pretty sure it's not possible for a fangirl to go into that movie without leaving with seriously intense Bucky/Steve feelings. Which is weird, cause I was a casual Tony/Steve shipper up to this point and now I'm just like, "Ahahah, nope. Keep Stark away from those boys." Which is okay, cause Tony has become my fandom bicycle. Poor Tony. Just keep your mits off Steve. Also, started shipping Clint/Coulson, which is kind of weird and I don't even know how that happened, but I think I've gone through most of the fic on the AO3 tag. I keep meaning to watch Agents of SHEILD, 'cause Clark Greg, man. That man is all kinds of adorable.

A couple weeks ago I went and saw a live performance of Welcome to Nightvale. I don't think I've ever mentioned WTNV here? Anyways, so good. Worth the roughly $45 I paid for the ticket and then the gas to get there and driving through rush hour traffic in downtown Ottawa. I know going to see a liveshow of what's technically a podcast, even if it's more like an audiodrama, seems kind of weird, but you have no idea. It was a pretty awesome to see Cecil Baldwin actually on stage and interacting with the audience. The script was completely new.

But I have work tomorrow and I keep promising myself I'm going to go to bed at a decent hour. Jesus, it's eleven o'clock already.

So, it's sort of my birthday.
For another three hours, at any rate. 28 is so much closer to thirty.

Had a pretty typical day, though Jen was quick to hand off hugs and a mug full of presents. I'd been eyeing up a freshwater pearl jewellery set, but had passed it over because of the price. Jen totally surprised me with it! The ring, necklace and the earrings. It's gorgeous... I love pearls.

Got into a bit of an argument with my lead on a procedure that I'm pretty surprised she didn't write me up for. But there's only five months left til I'm gone, anyway, so maybe she didn't figure it was worth the effort.

My bio-dad called in the middle of the day. That was a surreal conversation, but his birthday was only two days ago, so it's pretty hard for him to forget mine. He wants me to come visit him this summer, and he's willing to pay the cost of the flight, so I figure why not? I've never been further from here than like, Toronto. Or, no, I think my friend's place in Montreal might have been further. It'd be neat to visit Vancouver, and he's talking about making the trek over the Rockies to visit Mike in Alberta. That'd be more of the country than I've ever seen before, which is a sad state of affairs really.

I splurged and bought myself a PlayStation 3. I've been playing The Last of Us pretty much none stop. It's so good. So good. Though, I've gotten a little stuck, the plant-zombie-things keep eating my face off. I'm not very good at sneaking. When Liz comes over next we're gonna sit and play Beyond: Two Souls.

Heading out to mom and dad's tomorrow night to celebrate Mother's Day and also to get away from here for a bit. It's not that I mind it or anything, but I'd gotten used to being on my own and suddenly there's a butt-load of people in the house. Jen, Mike, Kyle, Sofia and myself, plus Jen's dog Hagrid. That's quite the number when you take into account it's only a small two bedroom.

So, that's me. Another year older. It's so weird.

I don't even know what's going on anymore...
They've extended the layoff date at work, so I'll actually have a job til September 30th and not May 30th. They called a bunch of us into an office one at a time to extend the offer and asked to keep it confidential, 'cause not everyone was being asked to stay and I guess they didn't want to hurt any feelings? 'Cause, yeah, my team has had a great history of keeping things quiet. That news was out within a day. And I don't even know why they bothered to ask, the first layoff date was April 9th. Pretty sure the rest would have noticed when next week rolled around and people came back to work on the 10th.

From what I understand, training isn't going as quickly as anticipated and they're not gonna meet deadline to have our work rolled out overseas. If they'd have asked any one of us on the team we could have told them that it wasn't going to be possible. Not with less than two months to get training material put together and then barely two weeks of training. What we do is a lot more complicated than our job title implies and it's very detail oriented. I've been working in this position for seven years and I still get issues that throw me for a loop. I can't imagine trying to do my job with just two weeks of training and no one around with actual hands on experience to help me.

Customer Service is still going to be leaving next week and pretty sure Parts and Service will be going in July. The floor is going to be so empty, it's going to be creepy. I would suspect they're going to want to move us upstairs with Finance and Executive Office except the registers are too expensive to move, so we'll probably just be left to work all alone. Unless, of course, they do let our replacements take over the retail side of our job, in which case we won't need the registers. Hmmm... The possibilities are endless.

Two days ago the floor manager came over and asked me and Lisa (the team's performance coach) to go up to HR to sign some paperwork. It's to get access to a program that handles credit card issues and requires a criminal record check, and they're laying off the people that are currently doing the credit disputes and they want to add this to our workload. 'Cause, you know, we're not doing enough already. I don't understand, okay. Why not just keep the people already doing the work? Who already know what they're doing and have been doing it for years?

It's probably 'cause they're Customer Service and make upwards of two or three dollars more than I do.

In the middle of all this, I got a Facebook message from Jen and she and Mike are coming home early and they'll be staying down here from now on. No more teaching during the school months, Mike's got a job twenty minutes from the house and I'm about to have permanent roommates. Not that I'm complaining, mind. This is their house and I'm lucky to be able to stay even when they come home, just with the bullshit going on at work I've not been a very good housekeeper and I'm gonna have to clean like a lunatic next week before they come home. Because, I meant to do a bit of that today, but then I slept til after noon and woke up with a headache because of it and now I'm lazy and sitting on the couch instead.

Also, Jen's cousin Kyle and probably his girlfriend will be staying here this summer. I dunno how that's gonna work, five of us in a two bedroom house. I mean, Christ, I have the master bedroom and I'm the only single person going to be here. Jen thinks they might turn the laundry room into a make-shift bedroom, but that's a tight squeeze for two people and it's attached to the bathroom. It's gonna get awkward when someone has to shower or use the facilities in the middle of the night. And, anyway, I was thinking about offering to let Kyle and Sofia stay in my room while they're here, but I dunno. It would mean shifting all of my stuff somewhere else and I've become something of a clotheshorse.

My life. My life. I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm being laid off
Fuck. I never seem to post in this thing when I've got good news, do I?

But, yeah, I'm losing my job by June, probably. It was really sudden. At around 1:30 the leads all got notice and started herding us towards the Online Theatre up past Human Resources. They didn't even have chairs or anything set up, just left a couple hundred of us stand around and wait for someone to come and tell us what the hell was up. Then a suit from the Montreal office came in and let us know that all of our jobs are being outsourced and we're being let go, but they'd like our help through the transition period and blah blah blah. There was no real warning, just BAM!

I really don't know how I'm feeling right now. Still kind of numb. Angry and a more than a little upset, but unsure how I should react. This has been eight years of my life and it's just being taken away with a ten minute meeting and two pieces of paper. I've worked for this company since I was just out of high school, I don't know anything else. I'm scared.

And I kept it cool pretty much all day, 'cause who wants to freak out in front of all those people? Not me. But I got home and got onto Facebook to tell my roommates and that's when I kind of broke down. They've both gone back up north, so I'm alone in the house right now, and I was worried what happens after I don't have an income. It was when Mike and Jen said it wouldn't matter, that I could stay even if I couldn't pay rent that I got kind of emotional. Because I didn't know how worried about that I was til after it was addressed. Just, fuck. I don't want to have to move back in with my parents. I'm so, so, so grateful to them. Seriously, they're some of the very best people and I'm blessed to have them as friends.

So I've had a bit of time to think, 'cause I'd picked up overtime before the announcement and had to sit through the whole of a ten hour shift. I've decided I'm gonna stick it out til the end and take my severance package and go on unemployment. After that I might look for a job or go to college. I never meant working there to be a permanent, I always meant to go to school, but never quite managed to move on. I'll try and treat this as a good thing. I'm still young yet, my situation isn't quite so dire as some of my co-worker's who're closer to retirement. Maybe if I think positive thoughts as hard as I can I'll start to feel it.

Life is okay and then it's fucking awful. jfc.
Update. I haven't down this in soooo long. Sorry, Tumblr is like, this thing that sucks you in and never spits you back up. LJ just doesn't have all the distractingly pretty graphics LJ.

But I mentioned awfulness, didn't I?

Leanna's mom passed away last friday morning. It's been... hard. She was something like second mother to me, and I've never lost anyone I was close to before. How do you get through 27 years of life without experiencing the loss of a loved one? I don't even know. Anyway, I was in Kaladar on Saturday, visiting with Leanna and the family. God. I'm so bad at that kind of thing, but I couldn't <i>not</i> be there. Leanna's my best friend and I think I needed it too. And then I cried the whole drive back to Marmora, because I can't cry in front of people, apparently.

The service is tomorrow. I was able to switch my shifts around so I have the day off, so I'm heading out to Marmora again tonight and my mom's gonna come with me. I'm really glad she is.

Do I have any other, non-depressing news? Ah, Jen's still living here with me. Mike's gone back to teach. They're saving up for a belated honeymoon (three years belated) planned just before Christmas, so Jen's decided to keep working 'til then. She's heading up north with him after his Christmas holiday, so I'll have the house to myself again after that. Not that I dislike the company or anything, and this is actually their place, but it's still weird having to share sometimes.

We've got a trip to the States planned for next weekend. I got my enhanced driver's licence about a month ago, so we can hop over the border so long as it's by car. We're mostly just planning a shopping trip.

So, that's my life. I just keep truckin' through.

(no subject)
On vacation again. Man, have I ever needed it. Jen's husband's home so I've got two roommates again. Three if you count their dog Hagrid. it's been nice, if a little crowded. Jen's cousin Kyle is here almost every weekend, sleeps on the couch. It makes it a little weird to stay up, so I spend most evenings in my room after Mike and Jen have gone to bed.

I've spent most of my spare time playing The Witcher on Steam. there was a sale on and I got it and the sequel for just over $10. And really, playing a video game on my laptop hasn't been as much of a hardship as I was worrying it would be. However, I have discovered I'm less of a fan of World of Warcraft. I played a few free trial hours and I just can't see myself paying for it. I think I'll stick with games where I don't have to pay for a subscription. Mike keeps trying to get me onto Diablo and I'm considering it.

In fannish news, I just finished watching all of Hannibal because it's like that show vomited all over my Tumblr dash and there's just a point where a fangirl stops saying no to that. Despite the murder and cannibalism (or maybe because of it?) the show is beautiful. The sets and the lighting and Hannibal's clothes. The food, which is all kinds of crazy. The food it people, but it's prepared and plated beautifully. I got a little too much enjoyment out of Will's slow descent into madness and watching Hannibal's careful machinations. Through the whole thing I kept trying to decide which he was doing, grooming Will or courting him. Super excited for season two. I'm gonna see if mom'll PVR it as it airs so I don't have to download all the episodes.

Now I'm spending my day reading Hannibal/Will fic. There are some good ones, I promise. My favourites are the dark!Will ones where Will either joins Hannibal or he was always a killer himself. Serial killers in love, it's so romantic.

Yes, I am aware of how crazy I am. But my OTPs aren't all rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes I like them a little fucked up. Sometimes they're just more fun that way.

I need a vacation from my life.
I've barely had a chance to sit and just breath in since Jen came home and I've got plans on all my days off right up to the 23rd. When did this become my life? I don't think I like it.

Last weekend I finally went shopping with my sister so she could pick out a new bathing suit. I hit a pretty good deal at Old Navy and end up with a dress that was on clearance and had an additional 20% off. I wear pretty things sometimes! In fact, I wore the new dress today. It was mom's grad. She got a diploma for Social Service Work with an emphasis on Aboriginal studies from Sir Sanford Fleming. I'm so proud of her..

Then tonight I went to a play. A lady from work's daughter got the lead role in the King and I and a bunch of us went to see her. Dorothy's daughter has a gorgeous singing voice. It was at the Pinnacle Playhouse, so the cast were all volunteers, but they were still pretty good. A couple pitchy singers here and there, but it was still very charming. And I managed to make it into downtown Bellville at 6:15 after leaving Peterborough at 4:30 and having to drive to Marmora first.

Today was one looooong day.

And I get to get up at around 8 am on Monday so I can go with Jen to pick her cousin up at the Toronto airport. I've been to Toronto more in the past month and a half than I had in the past five years.

So yeah, time for bed. So tired. I keep nodding off at my keyboard and I'd like to actually be coherent for work tomorrow

New Computer!

Isn't it preeetty?

After dropping $1300 on this sucker it better be pretty. And the lights on the keyboard are programmable. I've got them set from blue to pink right now because my sister wanted to see. I paid a bit extra for the user damage protection, but with the way I treat electronics it's worth the extra cost. The sound and graphics on this puppy are amazing. I've only played The Sims 3 on it so far, but my brother's giving me his WoW account, so I'm hoping to test that out on it really soon.

My old laptop is going to my nan tomorrow. I've already wiped all of my crap off the harddrive and reset it to factory settings. Thank Christ I have an external harddrive to save all my junk to. Over 50 GBs of just audiobooks and 20 GBs of just podfic. I don't even want to think about how large my videos folder is. There's nothing wrong with my old laptop, not really. It's only a little more than a year old, but the processing speed is shit. I don't even like to play The Sims on it because it takes so long to load. Okay, I did drop it last fall, and it hit the floor right where the power cord plugs into the computer, so the plug's a bit fiddly.

In other news, living with Jen has been loads of fun so far. I'm getting out more and exercising more often and it's just generally nice not to be alone all the time. I'm sure in a couple months I'll missing all the solitude. I'm really glad she was here a couple weeks ago when we had the plumbing issues. I dunno that I'd have been able to deal with it on my own. there was a cold water pipe under the kitchen that started leaking, so the cold water access had to be cut off to that part of the house. But at least we still have both hot and cold water going to the bathroom, which we didn't right after we both discovered the issue. Jen's dad came over the day after to block off the pipes to the kitchen so we could still shower.

Me and Toni went and saw the new Star Trek film on Monday. I thought it was pretty decent. Not nearly as good as the first on, but still worth going to see. There wasn't enough Bones for my tastes, but Benedict Cumberbatch made up for the lack. He pretty much made the movie for me. And if I'd seen this one before I'd seen the first one I'd have probably dove head first into Kirk/Spock rather than Kirk/McCoy. There was a lot of gay in Into Darkness.

Right now I'm reading some Kirk/McCoy fic. It would be so much easier if I just had my old bookmarks, but I saved them to my external drive which is in Trenton and I'm at my parents for the weekend. :(